Dead Woman Eating

I've always wondered, if I knew it was my last day on Earth, what would my last meal be? Would I go for a deep dish pizza loaded with pepperoni, Italian sausage, mushrooms and extra cheese? Perhaps a mountain of garlic steamed crab legs and a vat of hot, rich butter. Maybe Hunan shrimp over lo mein noodles with crab rangoons and steamed potstickers. Of the 31 flavors at Baskin Robbins, how many would I pile onto a sugar cone for my last dessert? Which piece of cheesecake would I order from the Cheesecake Factory? A blizzard or a peanut buster parfait from Dairy Queen?

If I were given carte blanche for my last mortal meal, what would it be?

That's how I feel this week: I'm Sean Penn and I'm heading down the Green Mile.

At what point did we turn food into something with so much power over us? Seriously, who hasn't fantasized about what they're going to have for lunch on a given day? Who doesn't look up online menus of restaurants they're going to later that evening - just to salivate over the options they'll have. Who doesn't love those damn Cheddar Bay biscuits at Red Lobster? Sorry, I got sidetracked by a coupon for Red Lobster sticking out of my coupon basket. When did food become such a force in our lives that when making the choice to eliminate the unhealthy options from our daily lives, we feel like we're losing a limb? Or worse, as in my case - I feel like my execution day is upon me.

I'm emotionally preparing myself to say goodbye to all the fatty, greasy, delicious foods that I've grown to love, but have grown to.....well, they've grown on my hips. I feel like I'm losing my oldest, dearest friend. But here's the thing; I know I don't have to say goodbye forever. I need to learn how to have a healthy relationship with nachos. Even the deepest and most profound relationships sometimes need a little distance to rethink the relationship, establish some boundaries and to figure out each partner works. Clearly, I don't work well with a can of Pringles just yet.

I'm taking a break (Ross and Rachel style) from Keebler, Frito Lay, Hostess and Nabisco. We'll meet again and I'll be stronger then. I won't lean so heavily (pun intended) on them for comfort and support. I'll know when I've had enough and when to put them back in my pantry.

Until then, I'm getting acquainted with fruit, vegetables, protien, whole grains and maybe yogurt. I can't make promises on that one. For me, yogurt has always been like chunky, sour milk. But that's my issue and I'll have to get past it.

In case you're wondering: a slice of deep dish, a plate of crab legs with hot butter and a side of Hunan shrimp. I'd get garlic bread instead of potstickers, but it would be smothered in mozzerella cheese. And always, ALWAYS the peanut buster parfait. I mean, really....did you even wonder?

Three more days.

Dead Woman Eating.